Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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