I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
