as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
