Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize