There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
