there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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