Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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