While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
