Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
