True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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