So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
