Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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