So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
