If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
