get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
