my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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