i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
two words: eviction party
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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