I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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