im having a threesome with these popsicles
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
