I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
