My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
