a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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