What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
