a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
