Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
