I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
