hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
