____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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