Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
