Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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