She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
3pm strippers are depressing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
