Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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