Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
