Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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