I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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