I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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