i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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