so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
