I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
