Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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