Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
