If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
