Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
