Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
