When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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