I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
