There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
