addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
