We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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