his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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