or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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