I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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