Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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