I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
