all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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