I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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