So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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