She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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