I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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