addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize