I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
