I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
