lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
home. puking in laundry basket.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
