the new term for farting is butt boxing.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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