ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
