Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
