so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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