if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize