Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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