Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my being single is dangerous.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
