I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
