No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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