I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
