Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
