that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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