I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
