Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
