DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize