The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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