OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
