If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
