i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
