I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just had sex on a roof
I said "one day" and that day is not today
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
