I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
