so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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