After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
