It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
