im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
