Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
