kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
