i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
