he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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