i was born a porn star she said
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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