Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize