I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
