i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
