You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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