I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The adults are the big ones right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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