Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my poor anus
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
