I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
