i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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