Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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